Government pays for recession with Parking

A Government spokesman announced:
"People in working class homes have to park in the street and pay parking charges. We feel that it is time wealthy people with driveways were asked to do their bit to help the country out of the recession. Parking charges are thus being extended to all off-street parking from 1st April."

The government has awarded the deal to Zeag who will be installing a payment machine in every driveway. The cost for this will be added to the house owner's council tax.

Explains Zeag marketing manager April Phule:
"From our work with many of the country's best councils, the government knows that our machines are the most efficient on the market and thus will maximise revenues for them. Rather than printing money, collecting it from voters will help to pay for the next election. The order for 10 million machines will help our workers survive the recession too".

Government funds the credit crunch with parkingThe spokesman added: "The machines will be available in a choice of colours and will be emptied by postmen, whose vans will be converted into clamping units for those who have failed to pay. This should prevent the closure of post offices, especially in rural areas."

The scheme is being rolled out across the country, aiming to have covered all areas with Conservative MPs by April 1 2010, just before the next election.

The spokesman explained: "We have found that areas which return Conservative MPs have a higher ratio of driveways and thus we are prioritising these areas first. Should they return a Labour MP at the next election, however, we will review parking charges."

He added "If this is successful, we are looking to add electronic door locks to all homes which can only be accessed using the national ID card.
This will aid takeup of ID cards and cut crime."

A spokesman for London said: "This is outrageous! Cripes."
The Conservative spokesman was in the Cayman Islands and uncontactable.